I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
