You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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