On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Are we still banned from the library?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
