I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
