So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
