Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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