I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
