All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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