On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
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