I'm so fucking centered right now
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
