i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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