Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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