My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
