We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
