I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
