u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
