I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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