Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So many bounce houses so little time
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
