New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sext me about skeletons
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
