your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
