Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Randomize
