I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
