I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
