As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
