I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Randomize
