Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
