and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Drake has all the answers
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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