Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
