Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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