im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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