He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
