i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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