I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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