Barsexuality is the new black.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
