I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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