3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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