and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
