Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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