I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
