So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize