My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you had me at cake vodka
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
