96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
