took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
