I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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