I just cut my nipple shaving
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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