Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize