i would punch a child for taco bell
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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