Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
