My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize