He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
