dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
