if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
