you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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