____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think I won the penis lottery.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
