Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
