Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
