Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
