Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
