I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
