If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize