Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
