I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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