best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
