Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you win again, gameday.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
