So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
