i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
