He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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