I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
