Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
