I want to have your abortion
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
