So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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