Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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