I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
