I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize