oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
