I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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