on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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