after a month anything with tits is on the radar
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
