ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
