Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
