Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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