halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
