your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
