Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
