took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
