youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
