lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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