Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
