When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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