Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
