i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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