he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
