omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
