I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
