I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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