You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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