Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
