I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
